Funny quotes
If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning. — Aristotle Onassis
The most dangerous position in which to sleep is with your feet on your office desk
Insanity is hereditary you get it from your kids
You laugh because I’m different……I laugh cause I just farted
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? Hold my purse
“Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling”
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is ‘never try’. -Homer Simpson
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
If your wife wants to learn to drive, don’t stand in her way
“I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house”
Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invaribly they are both disappointed
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand
You laugh because I’m different, I laugh because you’re all the same
Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering
“Operator! Give me the number for 911!!
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button
“When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room”